I'm not for everyone

I am not for everyone. Do you know how hard that is to admit for a natural born people pleaser?!

I have spent most of my life working and toiling towards the approval and validation of just about everyone I meet. Pair this with my small but mighty stubborn streak and what I end up with is a desire to win you over that only increases with each passing day you decline.

In college I started a job at a bougie restaurant with a crusty old chef. I was told in my interview, that he was to join shortly, “Chef doesn’t like anyone.” Challenge Accepted. It took 2 years but I won him over. To date I’m still the only server he and the manager have invited to restaurant week with them. VICTORY.

If this part of me had a theme song…

*note: I’m a musician, every part of me has a theme song*

…this would be where I channel Jennifer Hudson and belt “and you, and You, and YOU, you’re gonna love meeeeeeeee!”

Well.

Today, I was face to face with this deep desire to be validated by someone I have admired for years. In my industry she was and is still an ever present name. I’ve never met her in person but have reached out a few times regarding events or pro-bono opportunities. Today I got the official snub, in person, queen to queen. If she was trained to have a pageant poker face, she needs her money back. It was obvious she didn’t want anything to do with me.

But what was awesome…

I looked square at the person introducing us, a mutual friend, and said, “well I’m not for everyone.” shrugged and walked away. Years ago that would’ve devastated me. I would have filled each thought with the “why” and “what can I do” stuff. But today, I got to hug my super cute kid, share a laugh with my friend as we sent our girls off to dance and walked back to my truck happy as can be.

All of my life I’ve been told I have a large personality. I’m “a lot to take in all at once.” I am so glad to announce that at 36 I AM GOOD WITH IT. I am a lot, but my friends love it. If you don’t, that’s cool. I probably won’t jive with your personality either...bless it.

I think this part of me would be best represented by Miranda Lambert (as most of me is) who sings, "Well I've been saved by the grace of southern charm

I got a mouth like a sailor and yours is more like a Hallmark card

If you wanna pick a fight well I'm gonna have to say goodnight

I don't have to be hateful, I can just say bless your heart"

and THAT my friends is called growth. Look at me all adulting and crap.