Not the shins, mom

As I was posting the beginning of my journey, I called my mother because I'm a good southern daughter who knows to call her mama every morning but especially when entering a giant flying death tube.

I was sharing the aforementioned "terrorist nuts" advice from my husband. It is worth noting I have never used the words nuts in this context with my sweet, southern Godly mama. I'm an adult and it was important dramatic flare for the story. I'll repent later.

Anyway, she is adept at soothing my anxiety with words of understanding. She and my step father are missionaries and are well acquainted with the anxiety of death tubes flying them away from their children. And it would not be a typical conversation with my wise birther if she didn't offer some bit of sage advice.

"Ya know baby, I have had the same thoughts of what am I to do if some terrorist tried to take over my plane. And ya know, it's the same plan I have at church. I hunker down in between the pews or the seats, down real low. I can hear that bad person coming, each step. I wait until he is close enough to reach me, I hold my pocket book tight to my chest. Then when he is in between steps, ya know, on one leg, I wap him right in the shin with my pocket book and knock him down. Then I get on top of him and just start wallopin. Of course I'd be telling him all the things too."

Yall, I cannot breathe. I can barely see I am crying with hysterics. The mental image of my sweet little mama on top of terrorist beating the "soup" out of him while telling him about the love of Jesus is just too much for me. In all of my creative capacity, I still cannot fully formulate this image.

"Mom, why would you go for the shins? If you are gonna ram him, go sideways at his knee. break it. Then he can't run after you." I squeak out as I'm still gasping for hilarious air.

"oh. well that does sound better. alright. I'll do that."

I am happy to report I have completed the first leg of my journey and I have needed neither the nuts nor the knees tactics so far. But the day is young! Stay tuned.