A flare

After a terrifyingly strange dream last night (I don't know what I ate, but I should probably avoid it from now on) I have found myself amidst a "flare" as one article calls it. I recognized it fairly quickly and know God is working me thru some very important things surrounding the loss of my dad. You may chuckle, since it has been over 13 years (which would also tell me you've never lost someone so close before) but right now, it is as fresh as yesterday.

an article I read this morning said something to the effect... "grieving is not a linear process. It's scattered and random..." I couldn't agree more. Most people (from the outside looking in) talk about the "steps to the grieving process" as though they were rungs on a ladder.

** sigh** If wishing made it so...

I find it's more akin to rock climbing out of a deep dark hole of blinding pain. you test a foothold and place a hand. sweating. straining. muscle tremble. The fingers slip from that crevice, the fall feels eminent. you waffle and waiver then find a new place to test. yes, that feels steady. That will do, and up you go. A small step but upward none the less.

I'll say again, it's really hard to convey this to someone who hasn't survived/endured it. But for those of you who have, those of you walking around with that empty aching place once inhabited by someone you love, I see you. I feel you. I tip my hat to you for continuing on thru your day. Maybe tomorrow or next week or next year you will have a day like today. A day that shakes loose the rock beneath your foot causing you to flail for another sturdy place. I pray those days are few and far between. but when it happens, I hope you find solace knowing that someone understands.